STRESSED

Today I just feel so overwhelmed with all the CRAZINESS that is going on in my life right now, its really strange. Not sure if I should cry, sleep, laugh, clean or what.

I made a quick trip down to Oregon this past weekend, initially we had planned on going to surprise my niece for her birthday and then I found out my great grandma who is 88 is really sick so we decided to go down early so I could spend a little more time with her. My 7 year old Kyndal has gymnastics and Coach Pitch practice, its almost the end of the school year, my baby girl Jaedyn who is 7 months old has decided to love her dad more than me well maybe not love him more but she always has kisses for him and not ME. My 5 year old Lyndze wanted to stay in Oregon with her grandma so I am missing her right now wondering when she is going to ask for breakfast and lunch and destroy the house. My sister in law lives her now and doesn't know if she is going to be moving back to Oregon and that really stinks too because she is the only one I have to talk to here and hang out with.AHHHHH

Back to my trip to Oregon. I made it to the hospital to see my grandma and I could hardly contain myself not to cry in front of her (crying right now typing this). It's so sad to see her look the way that she does, and seeing her lay in that bed it really makes my heart hurt. I just wanted to stay there in her hospital room and not leave.Not sure how much longer she is going to make it hopefully until I get back down there June 3rd. I didn't take my kids to see her because I just have so many emotions about it. I can't decide if I want them to see her that way or if I want them to have the last memories of her being at Easter this year. They are going to be so sad if something happens to her, especially my oldest Madyson and my 5 year old Lyndze. Madyson is just such a caring little girl she loves everyone and every kind of animal and Lyndze just formed a special bond with grandma, they share the same middle name and she always talks about her and being pushed around by her on her walker.
So then to make matter worse my friend sends me a text message, that doesn't sound nice at all and I get it right as I am leaving the hospital from seeing my grandma for the first time since she has been in there. This just really puts me in a horrible mood.

Sunday we have a great day. We went to a birthday party for my niece and they had no idea we were down there and boy were they shocked to see us. The kids all loved playing with one another.

Kyndal is really a go getter she will do anything that is thrown her way. So right now we have gymnastics and coach pitch practice every week on top of 2 games a week. Luckily its late enough that I can send my husband to Coach Pitch with her, but I still have to get dinner done early enough and get her ready and then the minute she gets home she has to jump in the shower and go to bed. So she is super busy which means our family is super busy but I am not about to tell her that she can't do those things.

Jaedyn just last week decided she would become a Daddy's Girl. The minute he gets home from work she is all smiles and he picks her up and its lets give Dad kisses time. And yet when I try and get a kiss it a no way. I know this shouldn't bother me but it does. I am with her all day taking care of her, she is my first Daddy's Girl.

Lyndze stayed in Oregon with Grandma and all morning I have been thinking that someone should be asking for breakfast, hot cocoa, lunch, can I go outside and play....on and on all day. I really miss her to today, I am pretty sure with everything that is going on it is just making it worse today.

My sister in law has been living with us for a little over 2 months now in the apartment downstairs in our house but has had no luck finding a job and she just doesn't know what to do now. She has 2 kids and I was so thrilled for them to be moving up here because I have been with them since they were born, so I feel like they are my own in a way and now for her to not know if she will be moving or not is hard. I guess harder for her then me because she doesn't have a job and has 2 kids to raise so she has to make that hard decision.

Wow that felt good to get out there. What to do What to do???????? Can I just SCREAM?????